The Love a Mama Feels

The other night as I was nursing River before bed I looked at him and began to cry. I was crying for so many reasons, but the biggest was because here I was holding this precious little bean who will never truly understand how much I love him! I have heard it so many times, but until you experience it you will never really understand. The love a mother feels for her child is unlike anything you will ever experience. I thought I knew what love was until I met my little boy, but I was wrong. This love is truly the best part about being a mama, but if I am honest it is also the scariest part!

When you love so strongly there is also that fear of losing that love too. At least that is how I feel. I feel like at any second something could go wrong. While I was pregnant I always feared that something would go wrong before we even made it to birth. Then we made it there and I thought something would go wrong with delivery. After delivery, I felt like I might mess up while he was sleeping and something bad would happen then too. It is never-ending. I feel like there is something that could go wrong and take away this love that I never knew I was missing. Take away this little boy that made me feel so strongly. That is truly scary.

With this love though there are also SO many happy moments. Moments like today where he reached up and wrapped his arms around my neck like he was hugging me and didn't want to be let go. Instants where he smiles in his sleep and my heart melts. Those times where he learning something new and I feel an excitement so strong that I just want to jump up and down and keep cheering him on. Moments like these are the ones that make all those scary moments and thoughts fade into the background.

As our babies grow and get older those fears will change, but that love will never fade. So mamas lets love through the fear. Enjoy all the moments big or small that make this journey of mama-hood scary yet so rewarding. Do not hold back!

Love Always,

Macayla