Becoming a MAMA

I'm not going to lie, just the thought of writing that I am in fact a mom now is still a crazy thought...

Im going to start this blog by saying how much I HATED being pregnant. I felt like I wasn't myself, I felt like I couldn't do the things I wanted to do, I felt at times I was discriminated against for being pregnant. I wasn't sick, like at all throughout the entire pregnancy. A couple days of nausea but that was it. Back pain started in the second trimester and that was worse then any motocross injury I had ever had; but seriously, health wise my pregnancy was a breeze and I still HATED it. so if you feel that way, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Onto Hayden being born...

Im one of those lucky few; Hayden was born ON HIS DUE DATE. what! does that actually even happen?! I didn't believe it myself honestly.

I had woken up around 12:35am on January 15th 2020 with what I thought were contractions. I had been having Braxton hicks for the last week or so, so I figured it was just more of them. Around 4:30am I had finally called the on call nurse and cried to my boyfriend saying I didn't know if we should go in or not... We live an hour away from the hospital that I wanted to deliver at. Well, we went in and around 5:30 I was admitted being 70% effaced and dilated to a 4.

Not a whole lot happened the next few hours honestly. I chose to wait on the epidural until I couldn't handle the pain anymore.

Around 3:00 pm I got my epidural, and directly after I was checked and had my water broken. I was at about an 8 and 100% effaced. I pretty quickly got to a 9 and then 9.5 not long after.

Around 8:00pm I was still only dilated to a 9.5 and the doctor came in and decided to have me push for a little while and see if I would dilate the rest of the way. I remember thinking "oh just push a few times and then ill get to sleep for a bit before the real pushing" well joke was on me... 2.5 hours later of pushing Hayden was born. My absolutely perfect smallish human was born at 10:24 pm on 1/15/20 weighing 8.9lbs and 21 3/4 inches long.

Now that you've heard my quick story here are the gory details that for whatever reason, I love sharing with anyone who will listen... :)

I was at an 8.5 dilated when I got my epidural, and I didn't think it hurt what so ever. I DIDN'T see the needle and I still don't want too. LOL... I was not in horrible pain when I decided to get the epidural, but I was scared I was going to get to far along and not be able to get it, so I got it... I think that next time I will try and wait longer to actually get it... id try for natural, but ill explain why I won't be doing that further down.

Pushing Hayden out was NOT the hardest or more painful part for me. Hayden came out at an angle, in him coming out that way he ripped me to a grade 3 tear. The doctor wasn't expecting it and honestly I didn't know that I tore either. Sewing me back up after he came out was literally the worst pain of the entire process for me. After getting the epidural, I told myself I wanted to feel his birth but not be in so much pain I couldn't take it so I took the initial dose of the epidural and only pushed the button one or two more times later one, once being when she was sewing me up. They ended up having to numb me down there before sewing me up because the pain was high, and that hurt like hell. They say you forget the pain of birth, but at 6 weeks postpartum I can 100% still remember that part. The rest didn't seem so bad during the entire process honestly, but I think I had it easier then a lot of women do, and for that I am grateful.

Exhaustion was completely real though. Right after Hayden came out, and they put him on my chest I was dizzy from pushing and tired and still on this high almost.. I couldn't even comprehend that I had a son. I had Eric telling me over and over that we did it and I have a son and throughout the entire thing Eric was hooting and hollering and so excited. ( he watched the entire thing and loved every second of it ) I would say it took me a solid 5 minutes to be completely in love with Hayden. I think that is something people don't talk about... I was so tired from pushing for almost 3 hours and having labor go quickly I didn't have a chance to really comprehend what all was happening. All I remember thinking was what really just happened and what did I do... It only lasted a few minutes, but it was a surreal time. After that 5 minutes, I was completely in love and wanted to snuggle Hayden even more.

Eric and I have always said we wanted 2 or 3 kids, but that we want a couple years in between them. Us being able to agree on that is something I am super grateful for, because at the moment I couldn't even imagine being pregnant again any time soon and I definitely want to enjoy this time with Hayden as a child..

XOXO

--Krista